so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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