I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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