what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Randomize
