we have pet lesbian snakes
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
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