I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Randomize
