I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
