i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize