All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
