One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
