I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
