So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I want her autograph on my taint
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
