Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
