You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Randomize
