note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
