idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
You ruined the universe
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
