He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
