The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
