i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
