You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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