oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
