Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
