so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
