she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
