Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
