just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
