I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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