Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Randomize
