why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize