I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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