the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
