"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
