Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
