Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
