I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
