btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
