I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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