Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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