my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Randomize
