All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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