Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
