i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
