What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
