I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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