Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Randomize
