I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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