My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
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