Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
