giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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