how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
