oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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