Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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Randomize
