when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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