Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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