Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
