I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
