this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
