i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
