Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
how does that bad decision feel?
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