How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize