The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
