This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Randomize
