And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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