Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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