dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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