i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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