Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
You did what with his pubic hair?
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