is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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