Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Found the puke drawer
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
