R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
