not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
