I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
