i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize