we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
oh god the rape fog is back!
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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