Will you blow on my dice?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
