I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
