they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Randomize
