I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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