Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Never underestimate the power of titties
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
