sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
