I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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