Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
