first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
