Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
