There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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