Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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