Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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