i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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