wanna go halves on a baby?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
