My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
