I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
