when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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