I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
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