I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
