Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Randomize
