My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
