It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
