She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
