i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
