I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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