is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
