At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
well you can't waste a boner
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Randomize
