dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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