We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
