Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
