like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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